Why Does it Hurt So Much?

I am in daily pain so naturally when I am online I seek blogs and articles on pain; a very sad revelation for me was to realize so many people like me are in pain.

Since I was told of my RA I have asked God and anyone listening, why does it hurt so much? It is not only a physical pain it transfers over into every aspect of my daily life. I have not received an answer to my question on why it hurts so much, and to be honest, I don’t expect one, sad to say I do find comfort from the knowledge that I am not alone in my battle. People grieve over a lost loved one or friend, but people also, like me, grieve over the loss of good heath.

So I, as many others do every day across the world muse, why does life have to hurt so much? Children our the innocence in our lives and their little brains are always asking questions like, where does rain come from, why do dogs bark, how did they build such a tall building, or where do babies come from? The children grow and go to school and are taught the answers to all these questions and given answers to questions they had not even asked yet. But there is one question to which we never get an answer, why does suffering exists?

I have learned from all my reading that we must all find some part of this answer ourselves, from within. As we live our lives we continue to seek the knowledge to advance forward, reach upwards, and never stop looking for an answer…for if we do, our very souls establish we are forever destined to suffer and become locked into a dark dangerous place where there is no light or hope.

In order for me to feel comfort and to find an inner peace to my pain and suffering, I seek out unconditional love for it is the everlasting hope within me that pushes me onward. I find comfort in my family and loved ones, but it doesn’t measure up to the love I receive from my dogs, every day, every hour, every second, they are there for me with wet sloppy kisses and are willing snuggle babies that can outdo a box of tissues any day for tears and fears. They are such simple creatures, and yet they bring this unequaled reassurance and calm to my life.

We all search for answers and clarifications on how to make it through the rest of our lives when we are faced with grim and radical changes in our bodies. It affects not just us but our loved ones as well. It also engulfs with it our finances, our daily activities, our four legged children, and our friends. Our desires and dreams and all the plans laid out for our life into old age and retirement; taken away with the pain that came washing ashore and went out to sea again taking with it our life expectations and so much more.

So I try to accept as many wet kisses as I can get, try to smile though the pain, and laugh at the amount of pills I must swallow each and every day. Life may not be fair, and it may be full of pain, but I am still here, breathing and alive, able to still ask the question, why does life hurt so much?

I consider myself blessed and thank God everyday I am granted a new sunrise and a new wet sloppy kiss.

Dogs are nice and humans, well not so nice

I have determined once again that dogs rule superior than humans on the likeability scale of friends. I had what I thought was a friend, not a close one by any means, but a friend that hubby and I interacted with in a social club. This person wrote a few unkind, very unkind, things concerning me and then even had the audacity to proclaim that hubby has eared the right to “wings” for having to put up with me. Pure putrid cast upon me and my dignity, and yet I am still walking tall as I know who I am, and what I am, and it is not in the manner I was distastefully betrayed.

I am not flawless, never have I claimed to be, and for that matter I am usually pretty tough on myself, but yet this has once again validated my way of thinking…why do people find it necessary to be cruel and cause others to experience hurt; even going so far as to calling them unscrupulous? Is this done maybe just to turn the knife just a smidgen deeper as if to inflict the worst pain with words they can summon to vocalize? What kind of person can be this insensitive to another? A dog would never consider such actions, they just want to always make you feel good and be happy in their presence and treat you with decency, well as much as a dog can.

So please, if you are that unhappy with yourself, don’t use your own pain as encouragement to inflict heartless pain on others. If we all would look deep into our dogs eyes we would see there is not one ounce of hatred, cruelty, or revenge and then maybe we could someday be as noble as they are, and one day we humans can walk the planet together in peace with our own kind.

So as I hug tightly my husband and my four fur-children, I am securing the love of humanity within my own walls and pray someday others realize that their hateful, vile, horrid words do bite as hard as fangs.

A Time to Frolic

I was not having such a great week so far, and today as I awoke, it seemed as if it would be just another day of pain and hurt. I try each day to wake up with a positive felling inside and thoughts in my head, but needless to say, sometimes the positive thinking turns to wishful thinking.


I have wanted to spend some time with Abby in training out back on her commands such as, come and stay. It was finally cool enough out this afternoon, due to cold front and the threat of storms. I finally had the energy to head outside with the fearless foursome, as the rain was yet to arrive. We ended up tossing a ball around and running (they did not me) and having a great playful frolicking time. All were exhausted and Otis was a bit sleepy now because of his “storm pill” so we all went inside for a cool drink and a rest.

My dogs amaze me with something every day, today it was that even thru my pain, they can make me feel needed and alive, even playful and childlike. I would have been curled up in a ball on the couch with my pain pills, but they got me up and grooving and I cannot thank them enough!

Get Packing!

Hello everyone, I know I have been gone for about a week but I have been busy buying a new home! Yes, we made the plunge and our offer was accepted on Wednesday and we signed paperwork yesterday. Now the huge black cloud over our heads is getting our current home sold. I just needed to be close to family and I did not want to risk losing the new house, so we bought before we sold. Things here are not as bad as some parts of the country, so I think we will be okay.

1st. order of business at the new home (we close 2-12) will be to put up a fence for the three dogs. They have had run of our current home in the back yard and with Brock still so shy it is critical this is done immediately.

So Now with my back pain reemerging daily and getting worse by the week, I have to keep this current house impeccable for showings and pack and entire three bedroom home. Hubby will of course be helping, but we all know it is the woman of the house that packs and unpacks the man moves it all.

So off I go to do some cleaning and please wish us luck in selling our current home quickly!

Pain

Some days the sun is immaculately dazzling and brilliant, but then one faulty repositioning and like a relentless storm forthcoming the intermittent signs emerge slowly, progressively, and bit by bit the full intensity of the storm is upon me.

Some days the severity is there from the time I awaken and there is absolutely nothing I do can make the sun materialize to suppress and wash away this nuisance I am feeling from the very first moment I have risen.

Some days the vile torrent never appears and the sun is shinning in all its brilliance moment after moment, hour after hour. Oh how I wish for these days.

I have been in this cycle for close to six months now and I have just one more procedure to go for on Friday and then they say it will all be brightness for the days after. The hideous torrents will be suppressed never to overpower the rays of sun I have so long been searching for to awaken to each day; to have with me each day, moment after moment, hour after hour.

Pain is detestable, but my pain is existent. Pain is my adversary, and this foe I shall overcome.