Why Does it Hurt So Much?

I am in daily pain so naturally when I am online I seek blogs and articles on pain; a very sad revelation for me was to realize so many people like me are in pain.

Since I was told of my RA I have asked God and anyone listening, why does it hurt so much? It is not only a physical pain it transfers over into every aspect of my daily life. I have not received an answer to my question on why it hurts so much, and to be honest, I don’t expect one, sad to say I do find comfort from the knowledge that I am not alone in my battle. People grieve over a lost loved one or friend, but people also, like me, grieve over the loss of good heath.

So I, as many others do every day across the world muse, why does life have to hurt so much? Children our the innocence in our lives and their little brains are always asking questions like, where does rain come from, why do dogs bark, how did they build such a tall building, or where do babies come from? The children grow and go to school and are taught the answers to all these questions and given answers to questions they had not even asked yet. But there is one question to which we never get an answer, why does suffering exists?

I have learned from all my reading that we must all find some part of this answer ourselves, from within. As we live our lives we continue to seek the knowledge to advance forward, reach upwards, and never stop looking for an answer…for if we do, our very souls establish we are forever destined to suffer and become locked into a dark dangerous place where there is no light or hope.

In order for me to feel comfort and to find an inner peace to my pain and suffering, I seek out unconditional love for it is the everlasting hope within me that pushes me onward. I find comfort in my family and loved ones, but it doesn’t measure up to the love I receive from my dogs, every day, every hour, every second, they are there for me with wet sloppy kisses and are willing snuggle babies that can outdo a box of tissues any day for tears and fears. They are such simple creatures, and yet they bring this unequaled reassurance and calm to my life.

We all search for answers and clarifications on how to make it through the rest of our lives when we are faced with grim and radical changes in our bodies. It affects not just us but our loved ones as well. It also engulfs with it our finances, our daily activities, our four legged children, and our friends. Our desires and dreams and all the plans laid out for our life into old age and retirement; taken away with the pain that came washing ashore and went out to sea again taking with it our life expectations and so much more.

So I try to accept as many wet kisses as I can get, try to smile though the pain, and laugh at the amount of pills I must swallow each and every day. Life may not be fair, and it may be full of pain, but I am still here, breathing and alive, able to still ask the question, why does life hurt so much?

I consider myself blessed and thank God everyday I am granted a new sunrise and a new wet sloppy kiss.

The Simple Life

God has altered my life in many ways in the last two years. I have had setbacks in my health and yet my heart is overflowing. My health is not as great as it once was, but it could be much much worse, so I am grateful everyday I wake up and can stand and use my hands. I am blessed with inner strength to compel me to keep seeking and giving kindness, searching for those in need of my help, to introduce myself to new and challenging opportunities, to constantly grow in my belief and for the many blessing of love in my life. I have reunited with family members and I have asked others to stay away. I have made new friends, reconnected with old ones, and yes maybe have lost a few as well. I am blessed with a husband that adores me and blessed with all the four-legged children God had adopt me.

My personality has changed as well, I am still very crazy, but mature when needed. I love to laugh and have fun, but know when to be solemn. I try my best to do a good deed everyday, and yet sometimes they bite me in the butt. I am a child of God just doing the best she can to stay focused on the blessings I have and not ask for things I do not need. God has sent to me another daughter, this time from Brazil. Ana Paula is beautiful, caring, smart and sweet as summer corn. A blessing that I did not ask for but God gave to me knowing I needed her and she needs us.

I used to be all about the amount of materials things and how many more could I own. Now, I wear a plastic paw print bracelet in place of the diamond one. I carry a purse that was made by a group that supports and feed homeless dogs in place of the Gucci. Brand names have been replaced with comfortable and affordable. All these material things are pretty, but so is a child’s smile, a puppy taking a nap, or walking barefoot in the sand.

What is in my heart is what is most important not what I wear on my body. I am a softer person now inside, unlike before when I was full of so much hate and anger. I look for the simple pleasures God gave to all of us for my appreciation and to heighten my spirit; a sprouting new flower, a breathtaking sunrise, the picturesque full moon, the dogs all playing and running, the spider spinning her web, the puffy white clouds obscuring the bright blue sky, the vigorous sound of thunder and the rhythm of the rain. A mother bird bring her open mouthed young provisions for breakfast, and the stars I look up to each night as I thank God for my life, the beauty He gave me, the love He gave me, and the know how for doing things to help myself and the attitude to get it done.

So today, as I celebrate the season of Lent, I again thank God for me, simple old me, for who I am, for what I have, and for the love in my heart that overflows each day.