The storm has passed and today the four baby birds in our birdhouse are rejoicing as they wait for momma bird to bring them breakfast in bed. Below their home the fragrant flowers are all standing at attention waving up to the big blue sky in all their glorious colors. Today is a great day; I will make sure it is.
There are so many clichés out in the written world, “life is like a box of chocolate”, “when at first you don’t succeed…”, only the good die young”, “when the world gives you lemons…” and so on. I used to think that life was what was given to you, that it just happened. I was wrong, very wrong.
My life was at one time so horrific with black clouds filling my every scene, I cried through the entire production when others were not looking at me on stage. I was a drifter in my own mind wondering from place to place looking for the escape hatch. I found it one day, it was labeled courage.
I embraced my new found courage and walked out of the scenes that had me in harms way, the fights, the anger, the hate. I looked at myself and realized I was all I had and I was going to make it to the big stage one day, people would know me, respect me, and love me.
I left behind every bit of despair and wondered through the streets not yet knowing where my next gig would be, when I might eat again, even where I might sleep. It didn’t matter as it once did, I had courage now and it was all I needed to keep me walking straight ahead and not looking back.
I did make it one day, many years and many struggles later. It was to say the least, glorious! I found my soul mate, I found my talent, and I found that God never forgot who I was and where I was, I was the one that needed the reminder. I did not belong where I once came from, it was a mistake of epic proportions and although I cannot erase the events completely from my memories, I know they are there only to remind me of how far I have come. I overcame hell on earth to be where I am today and I know now life is not just “what happens” it is all about what you make of it, today, tomorrow, and the day after. I control my life. I not only play the staring role, I am the writer, the director, and the producer of this original screen place called, “My Life, Uncut and Unedited” and as of today, my four dogs will tell you, I am wagging my tail to a happy beat day after day.
If you are not happy, make a change and get happy for we only have precious little time here on earth, make it worth the trip.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
I was not a loved child, I had an abusive parent, I was fat, I did not like who I was at all. But as I grew up I learned I was who God made me to be and I had better start liking me or my life would be lived in sadness. It was not an easy task, liking myself, my birth mother was constantly telling me what a loser I was, how ugly I was, and that I would amount to nothing at all in my pitiful existence.
I proved her wrong many times over and I still am today. What I have been thinking most about these last few days, is why is she still slandering my name to all she meets and talks to? Why does she get so much delight from being hateful and character assassination? How did I, a kind hearted and loving person ever come from the womb of a evil soul that only wishes to wreck havoc on her on blood for shear pleasure?
Well, to that question I will never have an answer, but I did answer a question about me and my life. I am who God made me to be. I have found my soul mate and married him, I love animals and they love me back 100%, I love to cook and experiment with food, I love hosting children from other countries and having them grow and mature with the guidance of my nurturing and kindness. I love to clean my home and make it a place to snuggle down and find tranquility and love no matter what room you enter. I seek other’s approval, and yet, I don’t need it to feel good about who and what I am.
I matured without a mother’s affection and support and yet I have become a woman whose heart is bigger than the moon, loves those that love me back, and know that I was born from wickedness. But by the grace of God, I have eradicated every last drop of blood within me that contained abhorrence. My life was never perfect, is still not perfect, but I know I am as close to perfect as I can be. I have learned if you cannot share love, create love, or teach love, you will never experience love, and without love, there is nothing but a hollow existence. Start today by loving who you are as a person for you cannot give love away to others if you don't first have love inside you to share.