Love and Crossroads

There are only a few things I can recall with unconditional promise and absolute infatuation. There are ways I was held that made me not want to stop. There was a spark placed in my heart that turned into a powerful fire. We don’t experience many moments in life that can stop your heart and encompass your every thought. These irreplaceable life alternating moments don’t last forever no matter how hard we pray to God in heaven to keep this moment alive.

Special moments fall apart, love dissolves, and the raging fire simmers to embers. What once was is replaced, some little by little, others all at once, leaving your heart and head breathless, grasping to embrace what it is already gone. We all move on when these life altering events in time take place, what other choice do we have? I have never felt as if I was in definitive control of my life and how it develops and scuffles along. The challenges, the losses, the heartaches, the closeness, the triumphs and the anguish all play a leading role in who I am today. As to where I will be tomorrow? It is still a coveted mystery that has yet to unveil itself to even me.

I have progressed in life and I was abandoned as well. I have succeeded in life and have fallen flat on my face. I have given my love and received both love and hated in response. I at times have attempted to be rubber and let the worst of the worst bounce off ,and yet, the scars are definitely attached to my heart where the horrific times penetrated hard. Being a human means you will never not feel, be it the best, or the worst.

I have been at crossroads in the past, for the most part I think I made the correct decision in the direction I choose, but I am now haunted that some of my decisions were made in haste by a very disturbed and in turmoil mind. I did not trust nor follow my heart, disregarding what it was feeling while chasing a carrot that turned out to be a putrid lemon.

I am happy, I am alive, breathing and walking, and sharing life with those that I choose to be with. My fur-children are my security blanket as they have been my entire life. I cannot see the future spread out in front of me and yet I have a wonderful overwhelming feeling it is going to be incredibly special and overflowing with a love as great as a love ever was.

“My Life, Uncut and Unedited”

The storm has passed and today the four baby birds in our birdhouse are rejoicing as they wait for momma bird to bring them breakfast in bed. Below their home the fragrant flowers are all standing at attention waving up to the big blue sky in all their glorious colors. Today is a great day; I will make sure it is.

There are so many clichés out in the written world, “life is like a box of chocolate”, “when at first you don’t succeed…”, only the good die young”, “when the world gives you lemons…” and so on. I used to think that life was what was given to you, that it just happened. I was wrong, very wrong.

My life was at one time so horrific with black clouds filling my every scene, I cried through the entire production when others were not looking at me on stage. I was a drifter in my own mind wondering from place to place looking for the escape hatch. I found it one day, it was labeled courage.

I embraced my new found courage and walked out of the scenes that had me in harms way, the fights, the anger, the hate. I looked at myself and realized I was all I had and I was going to make it to the big stage one day, people would know me, respect me, and love me.

I left behind every bit of despair and wondered through the streets not yet knowing where my next gig would be, when I might eat again, even where I might sleep. It didn’t matter as it once did, I had courage now and it was all I needed to keep me walking straight ahead and not looking back.

I did make it one day, many years and many struggles later. It was to say the least, glorious! I found my soul mate, I found my talent, and I found that God never forgot who I was and where I was, I was the one that needed the reminder. I did not belong where I once came from, it was a mistake of epic proportions and although I cannot erase the events completely from my memories, I know they are there only to remind me of how far I have come. I overcame hell on earth to be where I am today and I know now life is not just “what happens” it is all about what you make of it, today, tomorrow, and the day after. I control my life. I not only play the staring role, I am the writer, the director, and the producer of this original screen place called, “My Life, Uncut and Unedited” and as of today, my four dogs will tell you, I am wagging my tail to a happy beat day after day.

If you are not happy, make a change and get happy for we only have precious little time here on earth, make it worth the trip.