Sunday, October 2, 2011

Love and Crossroads

There are only a few things I can recall with unconditional promise and absolute infatuation. There are ways I was held that made me not want to stop. There was a spark placed in my heart that turned into a powerful fire. We don’t experience many moments in life that can stop your heart and encompass your every thought. These irreplaceable life alternating moments don’t last forever no matter how hard we pray to God in heaven to keep this moment alive.

Special moments fall apart, love dissolves, and the raging fire simmers to embers. What once was is replaced, some little by little, others all at once, leaving your heart and head breathless, grasping to embrace what it is already gone. We all move on when these life altering events in time take place, what other choice do we have? I have never felt as if I was in definitive control of my life and how it develops and scuffles along. The challenges, the losses, the heartaches, the closeness, the triumphs and the anguish all play a leading role in who I am today. As to where I will be tomorrow? It is still a coveted mystery that has yet to unveil itself to even me.

I have progressed in life and I was abandoned as well. I have succeeded in life and have fallen flat on my face. I have given my love and received both love and hated in response. I at times have attempted to be rubber and let the worst of the worst bounce off ,and yet, the scars are definitely attached to my heart where the horrific times penetrated hard. Being a human means you will never not feel, be it the best, or the worst.

I have been at crossroads in the past, for the most part I think I made the correct decision in the direction I choose, but I am now haunted that some of my decisions were made in haste by a very disturbed and in turmoil mind. I did not trust nor follow my heart, disregarding what it was feeling while chasing a carrot that turned out to be a putrid lemon.

I am happy, I am alive, breathing and walking, and sharing life with those that I choose to be with. My fur-children are my security blanket as they have been my entire life. I cannot see the future spread out in front of me and yet I have a wonderful overwhelming feeling it is going to be incredibly special and overflowing with a love as great as a love ever was.

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