Can You

Can you have a conversation without spoken words?
I believe you can.

Can you love without ever touching it?
I believe you can.

Can a broken heart be broken into even smaller pieces?
I believe it can.



If you forgive and forget, will you never think of it?
I don’t believe you can.

If you don’t respect yourself, will you flourish?
I don’t believe you can.

If you have no life within you, can you ever be happy ?
I don’t believe you can.

Memories at the Tree

I am sitting quietly this morning gazing at our beautiful Christmas tree with all the lights twinkling. Last night was set aside for us to adorn the tree with our loving hands hanging irreplaceable and evocative ornaments. The candles were glowing, the aroma of coffee and pine meshed together and filled our nostrils. As I sipped on my warm and frothy Irish coffee, I affectionately watched Ana with awe. She is an incredible blessing sent to me; a child whom I’ve come to love as a daughter. I watched as she carefully selected an ornament and then the perfect location to hang it, all while talking and smiling and enjoying the moment.

I did pause a little as I partook in this “family” night remembering past loved ones whom have gone. One by one they came, they meandered into my thoughts, they gave me a smile, and then they slowly faded away again. I too was smiling as I remembered all the love my heart still feels for them individually as they all have left me with such loving memories and cherished time. I will never stop thinking about the special ones that touched my heart as they “own” that piece within me for all eternity. Beautiful and memorable is how I would describe last night. Warm and cozy in flannel on the outside warm and cozy on the inside by the Irish coffee, memories of all the loved ones in my life, past and present, including the four legged ones.

Always remember that our best friends walk beside us on four legs; that compassion isn’t only for humans; and that the relationship between two souls meant for each other never really comes to an end.

Please hugs your pups because only God loves you more.

Life, Love, and Friendship

Life, love, and friendship. Three separate facets all very important on their own. When blended they become a harmonious pleasure of delight and contentment. It is almost as if you can hear the harp and the angels in heaven singing a love song just for you. My wish is that everyone reading this today can feel warmth in their heart, the angel's songs, and abundant affection overflowing and reaching the very soul of the one that makes your life brimming with love and friendship.

Remember to always hug your dogs because only God loves you more.

Love of a Woman

My poor baby Abby suffered an injury and had to have a minor surgery on Monday. She somehow spilt her nail and the quick into two separate halves. The vet had to sedate her, cut the entire nail off up to the highest point and wrapped it and gave her some pain meds and an antibiotic for a week. We go back next Monday to see how it is healing. All I can say is it is a full time job trying to get her to keep the gauze bandage on and now with this rain to keep it dry.

Just when I was feeling some very difficult heartache and pain in my life, this happened, it is as if God had this minor injury happen with Abby to take my mind off myself and my issues and be the loving caregiver I need to be for her. Taking care of her this week will be a full time job, but my dogs are my security blanket and my happiness when I am saddened and blue.

My heart has been bounced around and my head has been spinning to the point I am dizzy and very tired. Love is such a very fragile emotion and when you feel your heart has been ignored you cannot help but feel lost, sad, and empty. Just as bad is when you give your heart and promises to someone and they refuses to see their own errors and turn their hurt/anger onto you. I know now, it is the honesty and the commitment, the true feelings from deep within, the courage to say you are sorry, and the willingness to make things a little better each and everyday that is needed to secure a lasting love relationship. I am not perfect, I too make mistakes but I have no regrets; I just follow my heart to where it has brought me and I know I have to work and do whatever I can as well to make this last forever. I am simple really, I ask only for an I love you every day, a kiss goodbye and a kiss hello, honest thoughts and feelings, a phone call returned, a message sent with only loving words and sealed and signed with a kiss. Woman are not hard to figure out, we just need love, attention, and to never be turned away or ignored when we really need to talk to the one we love. If the man of my heart is not willing to give me a few minutes when I need them the most, then I can promise they won’t last in my heart very long. Love me as I should be loved and cared for, and you will have me and my love forever. There is such a man, and he is the love of my life and keeps showing me he loves me, cares about me, and is willing to be there for me 100%. Love is special and I will always from this point on treat it with the respect and attention it needs.

Don’t forget to hug your pups because only God loves you more.

Perfect Love

I always thought for sure there was no such thing as a perfect love, but now I think differently. A broken heart from a loved one hurts, it stings, and it burns, but it can be repaired with new promises made and old mistakes cast aside. A new future plan laid out for the continued journey and a promise of the two hearts are 100% in agreement that this love affair is what they need, want, and are willing to work at, a perfect love is possible. Nothing is ever the best it can be the first time around, it takes falling down and asking for forgiveness and giving of yourself to make it move past the hard times and into the new beginning. Love is a very difficult emotion, it can make you feel the most unparalleled best you have ever felt in your life or it can make you crawl into the deepest darkest place in your soul. I find that honesty, communication, trust, a giving heart, and forgiveness, can make a relationship sustain for years, but the look in each others eyes, the closeness of a hug, you know the snuggle factor, a soft kiss, holding of hands, a whisper in the ear saying "I love you", and a beautiful smile also make the love grow stronger. There is no one answer for all, but if you can love with an open honest heart, soften your tone when a loved one is hurting, listen to your loved one, and always end your written sentences to to your love with a sign off of “I love you” even if you are a bit upset at that moment then I think you can be pretty sure your love will last forever. Never give up, and always make your loved one feel as if it is the last day you will be together, because some day, it will be.

Remember hug your pups because only God loves you more than your dogs.

Life and The Journey

Life is a strange and wonderful experience. I have had a life that some would envy and yet others would trade for the big box on the floor or what‘s behind curtain number one. I won’t bore anyone with the details because they are not the many point here today.

When I was younger, so much younger than today…sorry just had to. So as I was saying, when I was younger, the older generation would tell me that life is what you make it, life is meant to be lived, life is a journey, and so on. Well, now that I am among the, ahem, older generation, I one hundred percent agree with those wise philosophers of my past, so yes Virgina, life really is a journey.

The journey each of us is on is boundless and distinct; even family members do not have the same journey as you do, or I do. A life's journey is as unique as two snowflakes and the one you have is yours and yours alone and even if I don’t buy into that whole, life is what you make it farce, it is something you need to work on each and every day. Just as a champion rose gardener has to cultivate and meticulously be aware of what is in proximity to the roses, what might invade the roses, what the dangers are, and just as important, what the marvelous and mind-blowing essentials are. We must learn to make this same type of dedication with our lives.

I have learned just recently that if you want something very special, ask for it. If you want to be treated special, ask for it. If you need something you are not getting in a relationship, then ask for. Only then, if it cannot be given and you insist you must have it, then your journey must take you in the direction that can provide you with what you desire. Sometimes we humans get so caught up in our everyday tasks in life that we forget to take time for ourselves and our happiness. It shouldn’t be complicated at all, a slow walk holding hands, a dinner for two homemade with love, a wet sloppy dog kiss (no French kissing please), the sun rise, the laugh of a baby, the breath of a puppy, simple pleasures life can give us with little effort and huge rewards.

Don’t take life so seriously, you will get hurt more than if you take a relaxed and comfortable stance as you walk the path on your journey. Your path may have a rainbow’s pot of gold at the end, or maybe just a simple good night kiss from the one you love; either way, I would consider myself blessed.

Don’t forget to hug your pups and remember, only God loves you more than your dog.

Passion

Our finest moments come from our source of passion. Most would describe love and passion in the same definition, but this is not so. Passion lies within all of us. Passion speaks to us with acuity and can reveal itself as a assortment of human emotions as it waits patiently within. Passion is always lurking, guiding, influencing, hibernating. It can be a beast that consumes us in a rage, it can bring us euphoric ecstasy, it steers us on a journey and dominates our very souls. Our grief evolves from the beast of passion and yet so does our love, at times the passion overwhelms us and we hate it but how do we live with out it? True inner peace may come from the extraction of passion from our core, but what would remain if the passion was gone? An emptiness so hollow and dank that we may just consider the fact that we are no more, for passion is what gives us life and without the unwavering passion will unquestionably come a certain death.

My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am. Please remember to hug your pups.

Adopted Saved my Life

Most of my loyal readers know I currently have four fur-children living with me. They are all rescues from local shelters here in SC except for my oldest beautiful boy Otis. Otis came into my life as I was recuperating from both physical pain and emotional pain. During the course of ten days, my beloved first rescue dog Scooby, whom I adopted a year previous at the age of five, died unexpectedly from something that enlarged his heart and shut down his kidneys in a matter of 24 hours; my best guess is anti-freeze from the neighbors. I held onto Scooby who was lying on the sterile white sheet covering the table at the vet and I gently stroked his face and kept telling him over and over what a good boy he was and how much I loved him. It only took a moment and his tan and white body went limp in my arms, my Scooby was gone. I was still in shock as I exited the vet’s office after paying some dollar amount they needed for the care they had given him and I proceed to a local pub. I laid my head upon the wooden bar top and I cried as if my world had been invaded and they knew what to take to break my heart into a thousand pieces. My Scooby was gone, but I still had something fragile and alive to fight for and hang on to, the beautiful baby that was growing inside me.

Within a week of Scooby’s passing, thinking it had been one of the worst weeks in my life, I was about to be violently awakened from my current sorrow and mourning as this week was not over yet. My husband’s mother passed away from melanoma, we knew it was near, but you can never really be prepared for the actual moment. The tears begin to flow down my cheeks; like a river had overflowed it bank. Resisting was not an option, it would have been a futile attempt at best. My eyes were almost swollen shut and a deep red painted across the whites. I was sitting there in a paper gown sobbing for the loss of my best friend Scooby and my future mother-in-law as the doctor continued with his speech, “I am sorry, the body has a way of terminating a pregnancy when something is wrong.” He was telling me that I was not done with experiencing grief of loved ones this week just yet, he was telling me my precious, tiny, beautiful baby was now an angel in heaven looking down upon me. At this moment I am broken, I slump out of my chair and onto the floor, thinking this is not happening, it is a bad dream and I need to wake up immediately. I don’t wake up because I am in the real and cruel world wide awake, heartbroken, crushed, all thoughts racing together as I try and grasp for air. My lungs are burring begging me to breath, and I did, finally, but why? Did I really need to continue to go on? These three loses in one week took everything I had inside and left me a cold and hollow shell.

I went to the funeral and I went for my surgery to cleanse the womb, and then I went to bed, and I stayed in that bed for almost two weeks. I could not find the strength to get up and go on and smile and be happy. It was too soon, my heart was still in pieces to small to repair just yet, my bedroom presented me the silence that was essential to me. I was vacant inside and I didn’t feel anything, it was almost as if I passed away that same week as well.

On the third week I was getting up and showering and doing all the normal things except work, I had not returned to work yet. I was still in a serious depression so the tasks I preformed were completed without much thought or care. The answer to my sorrow was just moments away. I decided to sit outside in the cool fresh air and maybe read or write. I did neither, I got out front and I watched the neighbor’s dogs run and play and bark and then all at once all four came rushing toward me like a heard of cattle looking for some hugs and a treat. I realized right at that moment surrounded by four very large and slobbering dogs what I must do.

I made some calls and jumped in the car and followed the directions to the narrow dirt road I was to turn onto. I really believe it was my “road to recovery”. Down at the end of the little dirt road stood a small gray building surrounded by trees and outdoor kennels. The noise was music to my ears, the smell was enticing to my nose, and the sight brought my heart alive and my eyes to dry. I brought home Otis on this day of despair, he was not as young as I had wanted, but he was simply adorable and so lovable and huggable, just like a baby. He is still my “favorite child” among our fur-children and I know he was a gift from God to help in my healing. Had it not been for the healing power of this fur-child I can only surmise as to what condition mentally I would have progressed to that week and the couple weeks past.

To me dogs are much better than humans in so many ways I lode count, I know hey love me unconditionally and with out looking for praise upon themselves or anything in return. They love me for me, just plain old ordinary me…what more could a human ask for? Very little can live up to or compare, if you find something does, grab it, because it goes above and beyond the standard human and the feeling you can achieve is super-human in a world full of sub-humans. Hug your pups and keep those tails wagging.

Blessings

Well today outside is just a cloudy and drizzly day, but inside I am filled with sunshine. I have been reflecting on the many blessings I have had in my life and still have today. Of course it goes without saying the man in my life is someone that loves me for me, and nothing is better than that. I am not a easy woman to be with, I have a very broken past that still haunts me today, but he is still right by my side even when I am checked out in my own little world, or playing with toys at the stores, or dressed up like a runway model on his arm for the evening. He has weaknesses and flaws, but don’t we all? I will never be close to perfect and yet he accepts this in me and loves me in spite of it. He is a true and admirable blessing that I will hold onto for as long as I can.

My recent discovery of my grandson, yes I said grandson, has given me a new purpose in life. He lives so far away, and we have so much catching up to do I could write to him a chapter each day and still be behind on where he is in his life and how I got to this point in mine. Just knowing a little ten year old is thinking of me, wanting to know all about me, and share the rest of his life with me is a blessing that God could not have sent at a better time.

Not last by any means are my pups; Otis, Marley, Brock, and the baby Abby. As a child that was beaten for years my dog was all I had that showed me any love. I would have died to protect her, and she for I. She is at Rainbow bridge waiting for me and someday I will hug her and thank her again for being there to save me when all hope was lost. She was my only blessing for many years, and my current babies have no less love for me than she did, and I for them.

Blessings come in many different and unique ways; a life savior, a clean bill of health, a special someone, or maybe the blessing was just being able to pick myself up and move on. I have had to do this many times and all across this great nation of ours. I have lost touch with the very few friends I had met along my journey, but I still hold dear many memories of times from my past that did make me laugh and smile, gave me hope, showed me that I was worthy of love, and just every now and then, my greatest blessing of all was inner peace.

Stay happy and keep those tails wagging!

A New day

The sun rose today to a glorious spectacle and so did I. You see, we cannot be assured that each day we will awake and be who we are to those that expect us to be, well, who we are to them. Many of my inner circle know that I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis over two years ago. This is not JUST any arthritis as many think when they hear that word. It is forever, The cause of RA is unknown. It is considered an autoimmune disease. The body's immune system normally fights off foreign substances, like viruses. But in an autoimmune disease, the immune system confuses healthy tissue for foreign substances. As a result, the body attacks itself. I have to endure many drugs a day including a chemo drug once a week in a high dose as well as IV once a month called a Biologic drug. These are designed to affect parts of the immune system that play a role in the disease process of rheumatoid arthritis. There is no cure, just medications to help you through the pain, well supposed to help anyhow.

Well, along with this, I seem to have also been losing my memory; is it related, my doctor said it is due to all the medication I am on each day, but my fear is my remembering my grandfather died from Alzheimer’s. So, do I worry about that or the incurable RA…how about neither from this day on. I accidentally took eight Zanax pills Friday night instead of my chemo pills. I knew as soon as I placed them in my mouth as I know the taste of Xanax and the chemo pills have no taste, eight plus my sleeping pill and my muscle relaxer. I told hubby to call poison control and I tired to throw up. My mind was spinning thinking of so many different things all at once.

As it turns out poison control said I would be okay but would sleep a little bit; I slept for 24 hours. But I learned something very important during this “crisis”. I learned that some people I thought I needed in my life I really didn’t. I realized if I had died I had no regrets except for the fact I could not spent more time with my husband who I love more than my own life, I realized I need to concentrate more on some things and less on others. I realized any day can be your last and to not ever take even one day for granted.

I don’t live an exciting life, but I do have a few people that love me and I them. I realized I spend more time with my four dogs than I do my husband, and yet I don’t think I would change a thing right now. God gave me this life almost 47 years ago, and I once (more than once) I asked him to take me home with him as I had had enough, but He didn’t, and I am so glad He kept me here. I may not solve a world crisis, I may create the cure for cancer or even RA, but I did learn Friday night that even if just one person loves you, I mean really loves you, than you are blessed. I have that one person, my husband, and a few more as well so I am very blessed. Never take your life for granted, never take the ones that you love for granted, and always always hug your dogs, they are after all a present from God, and God has blessed with over and over again. Have a great Sunday everyone, and may I soon talk to you again when the sun rises on our newest day. Happy Tail wagging.

“My Life, Uncut and Unedited”

The storm has passed and today the four baby birds in our birdhouse are rejoicing as they wait for momma bird to bring them breakfast in bed. Below their home the fragrant flowers are all standing at attention waving up to the big blue sky in all their glorious colors. Today is a great day; I will make sure it is.

There are so many clichés out in the written world, “life is like a box of chocolate”, “when at first you don’t succeed…”, only the good die young”, “when the world gives you lemons…” and so on. I used to think that life was what was given to you, that it just happened. I was wrong, very wrong.

My life was at one time so horrific with black clouds filling my every scene, I cried through the entire production when others were not looking at me on stage. I was a drifter in my own mind wondering from place to place looking for the escape hatch. I found it one day, it was labeled courage.

I embraced my new found courage and walked out of the scenes that had me in harms way, the fights, the anger, the hate. I looked at myself and realized I was all I had and I was going to make it to the big stage one day, people would know me, respect me, and love me.

I left behind every bit of despair and wondered through the streets not yet knowing where my next gig would be, when I might eat again, even where I might sleep. It didn’t matter as it once did, I had courage now and it was all I needed to keep me walking straight ahead and not looking back.

I did make it one day, many years and many struggles later. It was to say the least, glorious! I found my soul mate, I found my talent, and I found that God never forgot who I was and where I was, I was the one that needed the reminder. I did not belong where I once came from, it was a mistake of epic proportions and although I cannot erase the events completely from my memories, I know they are there only to remind me of how far I have come. I overcame hell on earth to be where I am today and I know now life is not just “what happens” it is all about what you make of it, today, tomorrow, and the day after. I control my life. I not only play the staring role, I am the writer, the director, and the producer of this original screen place called, “My Life, Uncut and Unedited” and as of today, my four dogs will tell you, I am wagging my tail to a happy beat day after day.

If you are not happy, make a change and get happy for we only have precious little time here on earth, make it worth the trip.

Not Perfect

My life is not perfect, my life is not just starting, my life is not all about me. My life is a enchanting journey of delight that could not ever be, nor ever was, before my life had Lennie. My life is consumed not with me and what I am doing, but rather sharing it with the love of my life, my small family, my fur-children, and the special people I meet along the path. Never stop smiling, for if you do you will never have those unexpected little chance meetings with people that can change your life.

The Cab Ride

I arrived at the address and honked the horn, after waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked... 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, and then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her... 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?' 'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly...

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice... 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said.

'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light... Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life...

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~
THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL!

Life without dogs???

I was sitting this beautiful sunny morning with my four dogs all around me on different sides of me sleeping, and one, snoring just a little bit while I am reading random blogs and news on the internet; when a thought came racing into my head. If there were ever a time when there are no dogs on this great Earth, would I still want to be here? Honestly I think not because what would our world be like without them and the attitude towards life. To err is human to forgive, canine. My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am, and my favorite, “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” Need I say more?