Today is New Year’s Eve, the eve of new beginnings and the day we are “supposed” to make our resolutions for the glorious New Year about to unfold. We are supposed to pack away all the ugly and soulless experiences of the past year and make promises to ourselves of greater things to be; a wiped clean slate in which we inaugurate the incoming year with promise and hope.
The gym memberships rise this time of year as does I am sure the sales of natural vitamins. Many are tossing out their bleached white bread and sugar cookies in preparation of stocking their refrigerator and pantry with healthy and organic foods. Detailed lists are being compiled outlining the promises of new and wondrous habits and behavior; quit smoking, lose weight, eat healthy, finish projects already begun months ago or maybe even start a new one. Clean the hall closet or attic, finish a book started months ago, train the dog to do tricks. We all have something on our personal detailed list that is either telling us to stop something bad, or to start something good.
I have not made such a list this year; oh sure I need to lose a few pounds (okay more like a few in the 10 pound range), I should quit smoking (again), and I desperately need to clean my closet, but why do I need to say it has to happen tomorrow morning? Isn’t that just setting myself up for failure? Telling the whole world I have finally, once and for all, made the decision to do what I have been unable to do now for years. As if something magical happens at midnight and just like that my mind is overflowing with only high expectations and goal orientated good, I can tell you right now, it won’t happen.
Oh I know I will eventually clean out the closet, lose a few pounds, and hopefully quit smoking without gaining another twenty pounds, but I will do this on my time, not the world clock and I will not be at the grocery store tomorrow buying all organic foods or watching videos on how to train my four dogs to be better in the new year. To do so would be fooling myself into believing that because the date has changed I have also changed.
I am eternally evolving and unpredictable, we all are to some degree, but for tonight I will share some quiet moments of relaxation, snuggle with my dogs, see the ball drop at midnight, open the front door and invite the new year into my home to bring me peace and happiness. Then I will go to sleep knowing I am a good human with kindness in my heart and hopeful dreams that someday I will ultimately reach all my goals, but not in one day with the world watching.
Happy New Year everyone, and please, go easy on yourselves and be safe
Always remember only God loves you more than your dog.
I am in daily pain so naturally when I am online I seek blogs and articles on pain; a very sad revelation for me was to realize so many people like me are in pain.
Since I was told of my RA I have asked God and anyone listening, why does it hurt so much? It is not only a physical pain it transfers over into every aspect of my daily life. I have not received an answer to my question on why it hurts so much, and to be honest, I don’t expect one, sad to say I do find comfort from the knowledge that I am not alone in my battle. People grieve over a lost loved one or friend, but people also, like me, grieve over the loss of good heath.
So I, as many others do every day across the world muse, why does life have to hurt so much? Children our the innocence in our lives and their little brains are always asking questions like, where does rain come from, why do dogs bark, how did they build such a tall building, or where do babies come from? The children grow and go to school and are taught the answers to all these questions and given answers to questions they had not even asked yet. But there is one question to which we never get an answer, why does suffering exists?
I have learned from all my reading that we must all find some part of this answer ourselves, from within. As we live our lives we continue to seek the knowledge to advance forward, reach upwards, and never stop looking for an answer…for if we do, our very souls establish we are forever destined to suffer and become locked into a dark dangerous place where there is no light or hope.
In order for me to feel comfort and to find an inner peace to my pain and suffering, I seek out unconditional love for it is the everlasting hope within me that pushes me onward. I find comfort in my family and loved ones, but it doesn’t measure up to the love I receive from my dogs, every day, every hour, every second, they are there for me with wet sloppy kisses and are willing snuggle babies that can outdo a box of tissues any day for tears and fears. They are such simple creatures, and yet they bring this unequaled reassurance and calm to my life.
We all search for answers and clarifications on how to make it through the rest of our lives when we are faced with grim and radical changes in our bodies. It affects not just us but our loved ones as well. It also engulfs with it our finances, our daily activities, our four legged children, and our friends. Our desires and dreams and all the plans laid out for our life into old age and retirement; taken away with the pain that came washing ashore and went out to sea again taking with it our life expectations and so much more.
So I try to accept as many wet kisses as I can get, try to smile though the pain, and laugh at the amount of pills I must swallow each and every day. Life may not be fair, and it may be full of pain, but I am still here, breathing and alive, able to still ask the question, why does life hurt so much?
I consider myself blessed and thank God everyday I am granted a new sunrise and a new wet sloppy kiss.
Well today outside is just a cloudy and drizzly day, but inside I am filled with sunshine. I have been reflecting on the many blessings I have had in my life and still have today. Of course it goes without saying the man in my life is someone that loves me for me, and nothing is better than that. I am not a easy woman to be with, I have a very broken past that still haunts me today, but he is still right by my side even when I am checked out in my own little world, or playing with toys at the stores, or dressed up like a runway model on his arm for the evening. He has weaknesses and flaws, but don’t we all? I will never be close to perfect and yet he accepts this in me and loves me in spite of it. He is a true and admirable blessing that I will hold onto for as long as I can.
My recent discovery of my grandson, yes I said grandson, has given me a new purpose in life. He lives so far away, and we have so much catching up to do I could write to him a chapter each day and still be behind on where he is in his life and how I got to this point in mine. Just knowing a little ten year old is thinking of me, wanting to know all about me, and share the rest of his life with me is a blessing that God could not have sent at a better time.
Not last by any means are my pups; Otis, Marley, Brock, and the baby Abby. As a child that was beaten for years my dog was all I had that showed me any love. I would have died to protect her, and she for I. She is at Rainbow bridge waiting for me and someday I will hug her and thank her again for being there to save me when all hope was lost. She was my only blessing for many years, and my current babies have no less love for me than she did, and I for them.
Blessings come in many different and unique ways; a life savior, a clean bill of health, a special someone, or maybe the blessing was just being able to pick myself up and move on. I have had to do this many times and all across this great nation of ours. I have lost touch with the very few friends I had met along my journey, but I still hold dear many memories of times from my past that did make me laugh and smile, gave me hope, showed me that I was worthy of love, and just every now and then, my greatest blessing of all was inner peace.
Stay happy and keep those tails wagging!
