A Dog's Will

When humans die, they make a will

To leave their homes and all they have
To those they love.
I, too, would make a will if I could write;

To some poor wistful lonely stray
I leave my happy home,
My dish, my cozy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy, my human's bed, my big back yard,

The well-loved lap, the gently stoking hand,
The loving voice,
The place I made in someone’s heart,
The love that, at the last, could help me to
A peaceful, painless end,
Held in loving arms.

If I should die, Oh! Do not say,
“No more a pet I’ll have
To grieve me by its loss”.
Seek out some lonely, unloved dog
And give my place to him.
This is my legacy I leave behind
‘Tis all I have to give.

My "baby" Otis will be 13 in October, and I can't fathom losing my Otis who has brought me such joy and love from day one when I saw his fluffy beautiful face at the RI shelter. I know if he could write, this would be what he would write to me. May God look over my boy and give us a few more years of snuggles and laughs.

Remember, only God loves you more than your dog.

Farewell again Katharina

As I watched her on the escalator travel up and then up further to a place I could no longer view her waving hand or her beautiful hazel eyes with a hint of moisture, I immediately broke down my tough girl face and cried as if I were forever lost and all alone although standing in a crowded and bustling airport. Saying good-bye to Katharina this morning matched what it must feel like to have a large part of your tender and beating heart ripped out in a flash of a second.

As I drove home in silence, with tears streaming down my freshly washed and make-up face, I realized it was not that she was gone again that hurt so much, it was that my heart was again so full of her smile, her love, her accent speaking to me in a way only she can, for the new memories that we have made, it is this that hurts so much when she leaves. It was just moments ago we were still creating new memories and then, the next she is gone. I suddenly feel we need more, NOW, not in a year or two, right NOW…I want you back by my side and forever hugging my soul as you hug my heart as only you can.

Upon entering my home after the trip back from the airport, I feel as my oldest dog Otis looks, the sad and droopy eyes, the sorrow upon his face, the looking behind me for Katharina who had followed behind me now since Monday. I lower myself to pat his head and to tell him that she is off again on a fantastic journey and smile as I say the words, for she is my journey around the globe as I feel and learn through the captured stills she sends to me, and the words that follow them. So yes, Otis and I will now rest together, both of us I am sure feeling sad, but oh so happy for the hugs and time we have had this week with someone we both love so dearly.

I can not end this blog without saying how extremely swollen with pride I am of her accomplishments over the last six years and the true reason she is back in the states. She is off to represent her country at the United Nations in NYC. My daughter is an example to all, that with determination, little money, and a little help along the way, a big dream can come true if you truly want it to. She is on her way to greatness and to “save the world”, and as funny as it may sound, I know she will.

Remember a daughter does not have had to come from your womb, she only has had to enter your heart. Until next time Katharina, all my love…

Love that Boy!

Sometime I wish my dog could talk; well actually more than sometimes. My oldest dog Otis gives me these looks with his eyes, deep and brown, as if the world’s peace answer was in there somewhere and I just need to understand the expression and put words to them.

He is my gentle giant and I love him more than many other things in my life, as much as this may hurt or confuse some, I love him more than some family members and more than many people I know. He has done for and given me more in ten years than some have done or given me in forty so why not love him as much as he has loved me for his whole life.

For now, when Otis gives me those deep brown eyes and a tilt of his big black head with soft fluffy ears I just smile, walk over, and give him a big hug and then I thank him for being a good boy that provides me with unconditional understanding and love….then he gets an ear scratch and cookie…me, well I get a wet nose, a lick on the cheek, and a tail wag…just for being me.

My Otis

I have been watching my oldest dog Otis over the last few weeks more closely, and he has become more of a mama’s boy then ever. I think it is the fact that after Sandy died a year ago October, whom was here before him, he had his time to grieve as I did, and then time alone with mommy and then Marley came. It was about 6 months after Marley arrived that Marley’s brother arrived, all shy and looking so pitiful and lonely. So yes, Marley was a new pup that I held on my chest every night and snuggled with, Brock took some time to come around to me but if I had not spent some time alone with him he may still be shy, so poor Otis whom I love to death is feeling a bit left out.

He is so gentle and funny and the most devoted dog I have been adopted by. When we are outside he is either doing his business or right at my side. At times he will go and get his ball to play and we stay out for sometime just throwing the ball and I watching as he runs the yard playing keep away.

When it is time to go in I will call them all and say, “Inside.” The other two will run like the wind or as if there is a big juicy steak inside waiting for them, but Otis, no way, he stands beside me until I take my first step towards the door and then he will begin his decent inside. If I stop, even just get two steps behind him, he stops as well and looks back to see what happened to me.

What a comfort to know that when life gets me down and I have a bad day, my Otis is right there to lick my face, give me a shake, and kiss my cheek as if to say, “it’s okay mommy, you are home now with me and I love you, so please smile for me.” How could I not when he is staring at me with his big brown eyes and goofy grin.

The Boys

Well, this morning Otis was like a puppy himself. The young ones were running and playing extremely hard and Otis looked over at me as if to say, “Mom I want to go and play with them.” So I patted him on the belly and said if you can go, then go and have some fun! He ran and barked and played until he was plum tuckered out and panting for water, but I tell you he looked so happy I swear he had a smile on his face!

Marley has just two modes, one is full throttle and the other is sleeping either on my lap, beside me on the couch, or sleeping on my head if we are in bed. He is so full of life I am at times jealous for my yester-years when I was able to fully function on just a mere three hours sleep. He is a bully as well I have to admit when it comes to his brother Brock. He will patiently stand on top of the hill in our backyard, steady and calm, watching and waiting for the opportunity to pounce upon Brock unsuspectingly as he rounds the corner. He can be relentless at times with his sibling, chasing him and playfully biting his back leg and his ear and so on, but when Brock is in the same mood they may play chase for an hour at a time. They both will hide behind one of the bushes and wait for the other to come by, they are smart little devils I give them that. Now when Marley is all done with playing he will come and lay upon me and fall fast asleep and during these moments I cannot even remember the bully in him, because at these times he is the most adorable and precious baby sleeping like an angel in my arms.

Brock is a funny boy. We adopted him seven months after Marley as he never found a forever home and was still at the no kill shelter past his one year birthday. He is taller and longer than Marley, while Marley is tan and white, Brock is 100% black including most of his tongue. While Marley’s tail is long and flips over and hangs to one side, it is pale in comparison to Brock’s long and beautiful tail. It reminds me of a horse’s tail or the mane of a horse as it falls to one side and is lush and full. Brock is a shy boy, he will only come to me even after living here with hubby and I since the middle of August. Hubby tries daily to win him over, but nothing has worked yet so we wait it out. Brock is the calm one of the siblings, they look nothing alike except they are both small in stature, but their personalities is what is worlds apart. Brock is gently and sweet as Marley is rough and tough. Brock gives the softest and gentlest kisses and is a clown as he plays in house by himself with his favorite toy, a green ball that has lost its squeak. I am so happy I was able to join them back together again and be a family even if they themselves have no recognition of each other back when they were just puppies in the shelter with their other six siblings.

Family to me is not just the ones that share my same blood; they are the friends I have chosen to be family. Sometimes the word friendship cannot express how you feel for someone that is when they become more than a friend, they become family. My family must also include the fur children because with out them my world would not be as happy or joyful and it would have more dark days and heavy clouds surrounding me. They bring to me what no human can and it is something I feel deep within my heart that words will never be able to explain.

Otis

What a week it has been. This getting back to work full time has really got me wore out early in the evening and I have been just too tired to write recently. I still get up with the dogs at 5:00 am or earlier and we go outside and they do their thing and then the three of them run and chase and play and I quietly sit in my green lounge chair and drink my coffee and smoke my cigarette. I love this time of day. It is so peaceful and calming to just be out among the stars and the moon while most of my world around me is still asleep.

After Otis has finished his business and playing with the young ones, he will come and sit on my feet, all 55 pounds of him and allow me to rub and pet his chin and belly. He is now ten and I worry that we will only have a few more years of this together. He is my big baby and he came into my life when I was at rock bottom.

I had just had a miscarriage with my new husband we had lost our dog Scooby, and my mother-in-law died; all this all took place in a week’s time. I was devastated to say the least, and I desperately needed a “baby” to love and care for. That is when I found Otis, six months old at a shelter in Rhode Island where I lived at the time. He was a God send to me and helped me overcome all the losses I had just been through. If you saw the blog on “in memory of my dog Sandy” we lost last year, you will understand how important Otis is to me. I love him more than I love some people, to be honest, more than I love most people.

I have the new babies as well now Marley and Brook and they are a joy and love in my life, and they are young and so full of life, I guess that is what makes me sad looking at Otis these days, knowing he doesn’t run as fast as he used to, doesn’t play as long as he used to, has the gray hairs around his chin, and rests with me more now verses tearing around the backyard.

I will cherish every moment I have with him; he already gets an extra treat each day, he gets extra attention and hugs and love from me every morning and we spend time just laying on the floor; Otis gets a belly rub and I get the warmth of his love beside me.

My fur-children are a gift from God that I cherish each and every day, and I say thank you to the Lord above every morning for giving me all that I have in my life and an extra special thank you for the gift of Otis.