Life Lost

I’ve heard people say that when you have a near death experience it changes the rest of your life forever, but what becomes of your life when you don’t die, but your baby dies many months before you ever get to meet him or her? Your life is never the same again either. I mourn such a tragedy still today, many decades later, and it will continue with me until my dieing day. I felt as if God was punishing me for something I had done in my youth or past, something I could not pray enough to wash away the sin(s) I committed. It is to eternally cling upon my soul and haunt me until my last breath here on earth. I then think about “us” there was an “us” in this scenario, we made this baby as one, and we lost this baby as one. Yes, it was I, the woman who felt this, our tiny unborn baby slip from inside me where I thought it was safe and snug, but all of a sudden a moment came, and there was nothing I could do to put a stop to it and all I felt inside me was a vast emptiness. It happened in a matter of moments or seconds, I cried out and I screamed inside and it was still happening as I lay there trying to gulp for air and somehow tell myself this wasn’t the end of the world, I still had to live on past this unspeakable death knowing my baby was gone forever. Forever. We as humans use this word like an everyday casual word not conscious of what it really means. I will love you forever, I will stay with your forever, I will wear this shirt forever because you touched it, I want this moment to last forever…but then we realize, sometimes much to late, that forever is a really really long time, and time has a way of altering our way of thinking, our way of behaving, and our hearts, forever.

I have written before we cannot go back in time and even if we could would we take that chance of an outcome that would so alter our future and those around us causing appalling and reckless events. I know life moves on, and I cannot change my past choices or events, but they have formed me into who and what I am today.

When I see an older dog, or an adult dog at a shelter, it genuinely tears at my heart. We as Americans do a repulsive job at preventing new litters of puppies from being brought into this world of over population. Many don’t care or even think about it…these are just animals, or possessions, not individual lives. But every single pup born is a new and special life. We are all God’s creatures and all deserve a life of security, food, shelter from the elements, and most importantly love. Since that tragic day so long ago that is perpetually engraved into my memory I have unsuccessfully attempted to see if my body would carry a beautiful baby to term, but it was never meant to be. So, desperate to help babies in any form so that I could make use of my motherly instincts and love, I choose to save as many dogs as I could from their own impending death at the hands of humans. “It Takes Four Paws” is so much deeper and nearer to my heart than any of you could have imagined. I could not save my baby, but I can save and nurture what God has given to me, dogs, lots of dogs. I love them more than some humans and they are deserving of this love for they love me unconditionally and without any reservation. I am their mom, and they my fur-children, today and everyday, even long after they are gone from this earth and waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge. God gives us what we need, not what we want, and we must take what He gives us and nurture and secure it today and always. We cannot change or fix what happened long ago, but we can try to make amends in whatever way we can using our hearts. To the loss of my past, I love you and will never forget you as being a part of me and may you forever know peace and love continues to overfull from my heart to yours. Love is not lost if it is still deep within your heart, it is just tucked safely away.

Before I Was A Dog Mom

Before I was a Dog Mom:

I made and ate hot meals unmolested.
I had unstained, unfurred clothes.

I had quiet conversations on the phone,

even if the doorbell rang.

Before I was a Dog Mom:

I slept as late as I wanted

and never worried about how late I got to bed

or if I could get into my bed.

Before I was a Dog Mom:

I cleaned my house every day.

I never tripped over toys, stuffies, chewies

or invited the neighbor's dog over to play.

Before I was a Dog Mom:

I didn't worry if my plants, cleansers,

plastic bags, toilet paper, soap or deodorant

were poisonous or dangerous.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I had never been peed on,
pooped on, drooled on,
chewed on or pinched by puppy teeth.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I had complete control of my thoughts,
my body and mind.
I slept all night without sharing the covers or pillow.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I never looked into big, soulful eyes and cried.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop a hurt.
I never knew something so furry and four-legged
could affect my heart so deeply.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I had never held a sleeping puppy
just because I couldn't put it down.
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was well.
I didn't know how warm it feels inside
to feed a hungry puppy.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Dog Mom:
I had never known the warmth, the joy,
the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the
satisfaction of being...
A Dog Mom.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Dog Moms like me!!!

Who is the Dog?

The dog is compassionate, selfless and generous; an immense contributor in our lives. We as dog moms and dads seem to be of our own breed as well, we seem to have less hatred in our hearts and thoughts, we have a kind nature about us, we seem to smile more and can see the hurt in others. We offer encouragement to all that need it just as we are encouraged by our adored dogs to get up and exercise even when we’d rather lie on the couch.

Dogs don’t shrug off responsibility and they always have time for you; be it a big sloppy kiss to wipe away a tear while leaning in to offer their fluffy shoulder to cry on, they sit patiently and tilt their heads from side to side as we explain to them our problems of the day and they wag their tail as if to say,” no problem, I got it and we are all going to be just fine.” God gave to them such a massive heart to be our saving grace here on Earth; for with this heart, they continually sooth our worries from a infinite fountain of common wisdom somehow provided to them for such use with us humans.

Our dogs know us better than we know ourselves it seems, they watch us, worry about us, teach us, and always love us. They may not always show you all their secrets, but they most certainly know all yours. God bless the dogs and all they bring to enrich our lives.

Love that Boy!

Sometime I wish my dog could talk; well actually more than sometimes. My oldest dog Otis gives me these looks with his eyes, deep and brown, as if the world’s peace answer was in there somewhere and I just need to understand the expression and put words to them.

He is my gentle giant and I love him more than many other things in my life, as much as this may hurt or confuse some, I love him more than some family members and more than many people I know. He has done for and given me more in ten years than some have done or given me in forty so why not love him as much as he has loved me for his whole life.

For now, when Otis gives me those deep brown eyes and a tilt of his big black head with soft fluffy ears I just smile, walk over, and give him a big hug and then I thank him for being a good boy that provides me with unconditional understanding and love….then he gets an ear scratch and cookie…me, well I get a wet nose, a lick on the cheek, and a tail wag…just for being me.

I know having human friends is viewed as one of the greatest accomplishments in life...but to be honest, most of the time I prefer and I am more comfortable with dogs.

My dogs love me no matter what, they are always happy to see me, never lie to me, don't tick me off, always willing to do what I am in the mood to do, either play or rest. They show their honest affection every time they are with me and what more can you ask for. They are sweet, loving, adorable, and most importantly they choose me to be their best companion and to care for them for life...no matter what, I am there for them and they are always there for me with cold noses and wet sloppy kisses.

Four legs over two in many instances make for better and longer lasting friendships.

A PET'S TEN COMMANDMENTS...

1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.

4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.

7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.

8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative,ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.

9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too,will grow old.

10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can't bear to watch. Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so. ALWAYS!

~Take a moment today to thank God for your pets.Enjoy and take good care of them. Life would be a much duller,less joyful experience without God's critters~