I am in daily pain so naturally when I am online I seek blogs and articles on pain; a very sad revelation for me was to realize so many people like me are in pain.
Since I was told of my RA I have asked God and anyone listening, why does it hurt so much? It is not only a physical pain it transfers over into every aspect of my daily life. I have not received an answer to my question on why it hurts so much, and to be honest, I don’t expect one, sad to say I do find comfort from the knowledge that I am not alone in my battle. People grieve over a lost loved one or friend, but people also, like me, grieve over the loss of good heath.
So I, as many others do every day across the world muse, why does life have to hurt so much? Children our the innocence in our lives and their little brains are always asking questions like, where does rain come from, why do dogs bark, how did they build such a tall building, or where do babies come from? The children grow and go to school and are taught the answers to all these questions and given answers to questions they had not even asked yet. But there is one question to which we never get an answer, why does suffering exists?
I have learned from all my reading that we must all find some part of this answer ourselves, from within. As we live our lives we continue to seek the knowledge to advance forward, reach upwards, and never stop looking for an answer…for if we do, our very souls establish we are forever destined to suffer and become locked into a dark dangerous place where there is no light or hope.
In order for me to feel comfort and to find an inner peace to my pain and suffering, I seek out unconditional love for it is the everlasting hope within me that pushes me onward. I find comfort in my family and loved ones, but it doesn’t measure up to the love I receive from my dogs, every day, every hour, every second, they are there for me with wet sloppy kisses and are willing snuggle babies that can outdo a box of tissues any day for tears and fears. They are such simple creatures, and yet they bring this unequaled reassurance and calm to my life.
We all search for answers and clarifications on how to make it through the rest of our lives when we are faced with grim and radical changes in our bodies. It affects not just us but our loved ones as well. It also engulfs with it our finances, our daily activities, our four legged children, and our friends. Our desires and dreams and all the plans laid out for our life into old age and retirement; taken away with the pain that came washing ashore and went out to sea again taking with it our life expectations and so much more.
So I try to accept as many wet kisses as I can get, try to smile though the pain, and laugh at the amount of pills I must swallow each and every day. Life may not be fair, and it may be full of pain, but I am still here, breathing and alive, able to still ask the question, why does life hurt so much?
I consider myself blessed and thank God everyday I am granted a new sunrise and a new wet sloppy kiss.