Living with Rheumatoid Arthritis; Nothing Normal

RA – Rheumatoid Arthritis:

I suffer from this disease, yes it is a disease not just an “aching” problem caused by old age. People see me and notice minor differences to my “outer” looks than a few years ago but they cannot “see” my pain. People automatically hear “arthritis” and think “oh I have a touch of it myself, my knee, or my finger, etc.” I think once people understand that osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis are as different as night and day it will be understood. The difference between the two always make me wish – rheumatoid arthritis be called by a different name, maybe get rid of the word arthritis and replace with disease. It may have people think in a different direction. Without the word arthritis, there won’t be the automatic connection with osteoarthritis. RA is more than arthritis, it is a systemic disease, which means it can affect other organs in the body.

The list of  Rheumatoid Arthritis symptoms include - joint pain, stiffness, fatigue, and depression. Rheumatoid arthritis stiffness can make you feel like you are moving through wet cement. Your joint pain can feel like you sprained your knees, shoulders, neck, and wrists all at the same time. That’s because rheumatoid arthritis is an inflammatory disease that affects your whole body.  Having an unpredictable disease liker rheumatoid arthritis can be an emotional roller coaster. The toll that active rheumatoid arthritis inflammation takes is often under-appreciated. 

First let me say. “There is nothing normal in my life anymore.”  I have sense of imbalance in life due to the increased need for rest and sleep and feelings of frustration and shame. I used to be able to open a bottle cap from my water bottle without thinking, now it is a chore. I am fatigued most of the day; my body hurts in ways that unless you can really “feel” it, make it difficult to comprehend. I cope as best I can, but at times it overwhelms my daily life and thoughts. Some days I want to walk into the closet with my fur-babies and block away the world. I want to be “normal” again, but there is no going back, this is a progressive disease without a cure. I fight the fight when I have the strength, and I deal with the pain, what is the most difficult to deal with is knowing that outsiders (those who don’t have the disease) around me are unable to appreciate what I deal with every day; you look fine, you have no scars or deformities, so you must just be getting lazy. I saw this portion of a recent study, and because it mirrors my feelings and should make me sad, it helps knowing that I am not alone, and that makes me feel pretty good today.

“A 2013 study published in Clinical Rheumatology reported on participants who took part in six focus group discussions on fatigue and RA. Researchers found that rheumatoid arthritis fatigue was unpredictable, overwhelming, and often associated with frustration, fear, and negative emotions.”

There are many people in my life that don’t see it, but I don’t imagine they want to. They just notice that I move slower and wear more practical shoes. They don’t see my morning shuffle or my cabinet full of pills. And though it’s easy to joke about the aging process and how it sucks to get old, I’m only 49, and I’m worried about what is yet to come.

My fur-children get me through each and every day with their unconditional love and understanding.

Always remember, Only God loves you more than your dog.

Stormy Inside

Have you ever had a time in your life when things were all going so happily and there was nothing but sunshine beaming down upon your world? That is where I used to be in my head, for a period of time before the storm clouds and grey skies moved in. They seemed to have entered with a swift and dramatically forceful entry, but I know the more realistic version is they were creeping ever closer and I just kept ignoring them. I construe my heart and soul is thrashing about trying to eradicate itself from the rampant turmoil inside of me and be free from the pain and agony. My body incessantly shakes and quivers as it labors to find a tranquility within. I do not know how to break off this crazy merry-go-round it just keeps spinning and spinning and playing over and over this horrific mocking song as it rotates me under the storm clouds.

Always remember to hug the pups, as only God loves you more than they do.

The Scratching Post

Well good morning to all, it is not however a good morning for me, but I proceed onward. Hubby and I went out for a few hours yesterday and when we came home the house looked just fine, a bit cluttered and dusty but that is my job to fix, nothing the dogs did. Anyhow as my foot is still in terrible pain, still only when I lay down but needless to say makes me quite tired, hubby was doing the vacuuming for me. When he got to the den I thought that he was looking at a couch in fifty pieces by his scream and the next ten sentences that came out of his mouth that I will not repeat here. It appears as if the two young ones, or maybe just Marley, used the new leather sofa as a scratching post. The seats are not ripped, but seriously scratched, one area worse than all the rest, it looks horrible to say the least.

Hubby finally clamed down and I used leather cleaner wipes to try and “fix” the hundreds of scratches on the seats, it helped only a little. Now, when we purchased the leather set the sales lady said if we bought the “insurance” it would cover anything and everything including cigarette burns, stains, tears…so this must be covered right? After reading on line some of the reviews of this insurance company, I am not sure anymore. One particular mans review said because it does cover burns, and he being extremely upset with them at the moment as they denied his claim, he was going to take the piece he has up to their office and set it on fire!

They are closed until Monday so I must sit and ponder what to do if it is not covered. Hubby explained again to me why the dogs need to be in crates when we are out and why some dogs live outside. My dogs will never live outside, they are my “children” and right now they are very bad children. One problem is the crate that Brock came with from the shelter is too small for him and quite small for Marley as well. The one I got for Marley is a very nice one that either dog can use, but not both at the same time. This is where it gets tricky again; hubby hates to spend money on “expensive” things for the dogs, especially after what they did to his new couch, but somehow I have to find a way to get his “blessing” to spend over a hundred on a new crate for Brock, there really is no other option if they are both to go back to crates while we are out.

Okay off that for now…my foot is still the same as yesterday, I am in so much pain right now as I just got up that typing is difficult, but what else can I do to take my mind off it while I await the pain medication to begin its magic? I called both doctors offices and they are closed until Monday and it just happens I already have an appointment with my rheumatologist on Monday anyhow. Yesterday the lower back/hip area was giving me some pain as well, but nothing compared to the burning torture I feel in my foot. I just have to keep sane from the pain until Monday…how often does anyone wish for Monday to hurry up and get here, well this lady is screaming for Monday!

Well, time to go outside and let the dogs run and drink a hot cup of caffeine as hubby sleeps peacefully in bed…and then I will come in and look at crates on line for the local pet store in town and see what is available for in store pickup today. Have a wonderful Saturday everyone…