Wednesday, May 26, 2010
For the love of a lost child..
I have personally been involved in tragic family situations, more than I care to admit actually, but I somehow by the Grace of God overcame most of the hurt and pain; to somehow grasp that I was not guilty of anything and I had a RIGHT to a good life without the ghosts of my past haunting me forever. Oh, don’t be fooled, they jump from the closet or out from under the bed at times I least expect them to and cause havoc, but for the most part they are at an arms length away.
I am currently watching my loved one cope with the newest words spoken from a daughter he grieves for every day; she has not passed away, she has just been gone in her mind and taken herself from him heart for a decade now. He divorced her mom and they divorced themselves from their dad; and now, she tells her dad that she doesn’t like him because he left and got remarried, not how she refused to see her dad for weekends, or how they spent holiday's in a restaurant, or that she just "loved" the new boyfriend who became step-dad, who then became the ex of mom. How we remember the events of an emotional past is not always with clear renditions; the heart has a way of folding in “false” memories to make the entire event “sway” one way or the other…because as we remember things, we do not ever want to be the one that made the hurt begin, nor be the one that is at fault.
For this chapter, my husband will feel the pain for awhile, and then file this conversation away with the many others. The saddest part is he loves his daughters and always did what he thought was the best for them. They began a false love on their new step-dad less a couple months after the divorce and then when he was gone a year later, it appears that their faith in their mom somehow grew and their hatred for their dad began to strengthen. I truly believe that the parent with custody has the most responsibility to keep the children and the family connected and together in heart though no longer in household, when that parents alienates the other parent instead, then the beginning of the end has begun. It is sad that the one who caused the family breakdown is the one held in high regard and the one with all the love in his heart is left to grieve the loss.
This is a tragic story that is told thousands of times a day all over the world, I ask that anyone that is in a similar situation, about to get divorced with children, please keep the family alive and well as you dissolve the marriage, they are two separate entities and the family is so vital. What happens in these situations last a lifetime and then some, as it is handed down to the next generation…if I really stop to think about it, this may be why humankind is becoming less humane as we clock off the decades and then centuries on the calendar of life. If we lose faith and love in our own parent, whom has only been good and kind, where does that leave us with strangers.
Sorry off topic today and happy tail wagging.