As I watched her on the escalator travel up and then up further to a place I could no longer view her waving hand or her beautiful hazel eyes with a hint of moisture, I immediately broke down my tough girl face and cried as if I were forever lost and all alone although standing in a crowded and bustling airport. Saying good-bye to Katharina this morning matched what it must feel like to have a large part of your tender and beating heart ripped out in a flash of a second.
As I drove home in silence, with tears streaming down my freshly washed and make-up face, I realized it was not that she was gone again that hurt so much, it was that my heart was again so full of her smile, her love, her accent speaking to me in a way only she can, for the new memories that we have made, it is this that hurts so much when she leaves. It was just moments ago we were still creating new memories and then, the next she is gone. I suddenly feel we need more, NOW, not in a year or two, right NOW…I want you back by my side and forever hugging my soul as you hug my heart as only you can.
Upon entering my home after the trip back from the airport, I feel as my oldest dog Otis looks, the sad and droopy eyes, the sorrow upon his face, the looking behind me for Katharina who had followed behind me now since Monday. I lower myself to pat his head and to tell him that she is off again on a fantastic journey and smile as I say the words, for she is my journey around the globe as I feel and learn through the captured stills she sends to me, and the words that follow them. So yes, Otis and I will now rest together, both of us I am sure feeling sad, but oh so happy for the hugs and time we have had this week with someone we both love so dearly.
I can not end this blog without saying how extremely swollen with pride I am of her accomplishments over the last six years and the true reason she is back in the states. She is off to represent her country at the United Nations in NYC. My daughter is an example to all, that with determination, little money, and a little help along the way, a big dream can come true if you truly want it to. She is on her way to greatness and to “save the world”, and as funny as it may sound, I know she will.
Remember a daughter does not have had to come from your womb, she only has had to enter your heart. Until next time Katharina, all my love…